Rants, Reviews, Musings, and otherwise unconstructive critisisms of what you like and why I'm always right.

Flashback Friday: Dumb Customer Quotes

As many of you may know, I did tech support in the mobile phone industry for several years. This is a collection of quotes and stories from that time. Enjoy, because I sure didn’t at the time.

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From a co-worker: “If this job has taught me one thing, its that no one else knows what a quotation mark is. Or a colon for that matter. Or a start menu.”

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This customer wondered if I could help them with their iPhone: “Is there anything you can do to get me better reception? I’m usually only getting 3 or 4 bars.”

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Customer: “I can’t make any calls on my phone!!!”

*I reset her on our network and ask if she can now try a call*

Customer:  “Thanks, it works again. Can you transfer me back now? I’d like to cancel my account.”

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One customer had me spend 10 minutes figuring out why his iPhone didn’t have service. Eventually I found out he had taken the sim card out and put it in a different phone. I wonder why it wasn’t working.

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This one happened a thousand times:

Customer: “No, I’m not talking on the phone.”

Me: “Great! Let me reset the phone on our network!”

*click*

(Hint, don’t lie to the tech support guy about being on the phone when he’s about to reboot your phone’s signal, you’ll get disconnected)

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I once had a customer comment to me that I “sounded skinny.”

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Actual quote from a co-worker who was on the phone with a customer: “did a window pop up and it says bla-bla-bla blah blah?”
(That’s always my first troubleshooting step)
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One thing I definitively learned in my time in tech support is that there are still people out there under the age of 40 that have never learned how to copy and paste on a computer.
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Customer:  “I don’t use PC’s. They aren’t safe! I only use Macs because they can’t get viruses.”
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One time I was having a customer enter in a web address into their phone.
Customer: “I think I have the slashes in correctly but I’m not sure…I never was very good at geometry!”
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One of my favorite customers began our call with an admission that “I didn’t read the contract before I agreed to it”.

He apparently signed up for something he didn’t want, and continued his rant:

“It’s bad enough Google knows where I am, what I do, and control everything everywhere, but now you are crippling me financially and ruining my life with this bait and switch fraud! I’ll have to pay $1600 to get out then buy an iPhone and go to AT&T.”

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Customer: “Have you ever heard of a company called ebay?”

(No sir, I have been living under a rock for more than a decade)

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But one of my all-time favorite customer quotes would have to be when I asked someone to take the battery out of their phone to reboot it:

“I don’t think my wife would like it very much if she knew I had been taking the battery out of her phone.”

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Hope you enjoyed, and see ya next time.

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